I found, as expected, a card in my mailbox.
Sealed with a sticker
Embossed: “Happy Birthday”
I wondered if there was a gift card inside for a bloomin’ onion
(There wasn’t)
Let me fish it from the trash–I don’t remember what it said–
“We hope that your birthday was as amazing as you are”
It’s management dogma:
Never give a worker anything useful
Wages are kept low
So we are kept weak
I wonder what a birthday card costs–I never buy them–
Everything costs twice as much as it did yesterday
(Except labor).
Signed with love, from my [redacted] family.
My [redacted] family,
Who’d just turned my brothers and sisters
Out in the cold
I suppose I should be grateful
For the chance
To feast on their flesh
My parents took me out to eat for my birthday and gave me a hundred dollars.
They spent time with me and we talked about the world.
They know I don’t want a card, though I’ll still check it
For cash before tossing it in the garbage.
How wonderful it would be to come to work on my birthday
And find a crisp one dollar bill
With love,
From my family.
corporate culture
Re: Meetings
Subject: Availability Poll If everyone could please Respond to the poll By Friday—end of day. Let us know your availability.
Subject: Quick Reminder
And please,
Stop using ‘Reply All.’
Subject: Poll Results Are In
The only shared times
Are two p.m. Tuesday
Or eight a.m. Wednesday.
Subject: Dietary Preferences
Make sure you respond to Susan.
Vegan? No gluten?
She’s ordering lunch
For everyone.
Subject: Update: Tuesday Won’t Work
We’ll have to meet
On Wednesday
At eight a.m.
Subject: Meeting Confirmation
When you arrive,
Please sign in—
To document your presence
At this critical discussion.